A Wish Came True, and I Realized: Whether or Not There's a Way of Being

Thinking back, the things I wished for have actually come true more often than not.

When I was young, I vaguely thought I wanted to become a company president someday.Decades later, I did.

What I understood once I got there was that even if you land the title, that alone guarantees nothing. Before I knew it, I'd lost money. My companions drifted away too. On top of that, even my tax accountant left.

"It was tough" doesn't come close to covering it. Back when I was vaguely wishing "I want to become that," I never imagined a reality like this was waiting. I'd had no way of being—I was just wishing.

On the other hand, I had another pattern in me.

At the time, I was doing prepress work in printing. Analog work called compositing and retouching. Then the digital wave called DTP came in, and there was a real sense of crisis that at this rate my job would be replaced. And the "I want to become a president" I'd vaguely thought about—I'd forgotten it.

I didn't let that sense of crisis end as mere anxiety. I turned it into interest and bought a Mac.That said, what I learned was basic operation level. It was expensive and I couldn't add more memory, so the Adobe software of the day wouldn't run properly, and I couldn't learn it deeply. After I changed jobs and got into the actual work, I ended up being retrained almost from zero.

Since I'd bought a Mac and couldn't use Adobe, the aim of my interest had, before I knew it, turned toward the internet and networks. Also, for some reason I'd come to like swapping out the OS—reinstalling it. This knowledge was prized in the field, and still is today.

Not results as a business, but that happy feeling of having been of use to someone.

The president's title came true. But what remained was the weight of what I'd lost. The PC side didn't go as aimed. But what remained was that fulfilled feeling of having been of use.

When you chase only what comes true, the way of being drops out. More than whether it comes true, what kind of way of being was in the process is what decides what remains at the end.

• If you only want to become something and have no way of being, you can lose something big.

• When I turned a sense of crisis into action, even off-target it fulfilled me.

• More than whether it comes true, how you are in the process is what remains.